Thursday, 21 November 2013

Film: Microwave Massacre

Excuse the early posting this week, am away this weekend so wanted to get this out there now! Enjoy!

Donald (Jackie Vernon) is sick and tired of eating the gourmet crap his wife, May, insists on cooking for him each day. Whilst his work colleagues eat cheese and baloney sandwiches, Donald has fresh prepared crab. He's had enough. All he wants is normal food but his wife, and her new microwave, continue to churn out the hated posh food until one day Donald snaps and batters May to death. Chopping her up and placing the bits into his freezer, Donald is finally free from the posh nosh ... but he then gets a surprise when he accidentally eats a piece of May; the surprise being that he actually rather enjoys what he eats! So begins the Microwave Massacre ...

This 1980's straight-to-video horror/comedy (I really don't know how to label it, to be a horror it should at least have some horror in it; to be a comedy, it should really contain some funny moments!) is everything you expect from the lowest end of movie production from a period when anyone with a camera could produce a film and get it distributed via the all new medium of home video.

The script is slow and jumpy, often moving from one main plot point to the next with little to no explanation (the ending even requires one of the actors to explain to the audience what just happened in case they missed it!), the acting is pretty terrible across the board and it seems that whoever was in charge of the boom used this film as an opportunity to feature it in every other scene! There is the typical helping of 80's video-crap nudity to try and titilate the, no doubt, bored audience but even the natural 80's breasts on show don't make this a watchable film (except perhaps for the lovely Marla Simon, in her only film role as The Knothole Girl). The one thing that perhaps pulls this movie out from the mire it otherwise finds itself in is that no-one in this film takes themselves, the script on any other aspect seriously, which does allow for an obvious tongue-in-cheek nod and wink to the audience, however even this self-aware jocularity wears thin very quickly and we're soon left hoping the characters start taking things seriously again just to get to the end of the film a little quicker.

Microwave Massacre is certainly not the sort of film you'll be able to pick up from your local video store (oops, came over all 80's there for a minute!) but if you ache for 80's video nonsense and an 'anyone can make a movie' attitude, then you might at least want to hunt this down for nostalgia values alone, otherwise I suggest living in blissful ignorance that the worst that can come out of a microwave is a Tesco Lasagne for one.

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